I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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