I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
