I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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