maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
