The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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