Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
