the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
