apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
