her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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