Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
