1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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