Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
