just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
