At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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