Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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