Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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