i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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