Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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