I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
