My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize