some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
