So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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