never play flip cup with pint glasses
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
