Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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