you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
