I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
