You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
