rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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