a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
