I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
