Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
