I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
