Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
