And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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