An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
