just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
