We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
