Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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