Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
