just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you had me at cake vodka
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
