He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
