A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
