i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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