I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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