How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
