I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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