sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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