she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My bed smells like the plague
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
