listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I love you. Go after that dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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