dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
