I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize