I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
