The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
