turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
