My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
