He kissed a someone with a penis
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
