it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
