We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
