come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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