our cab driver is having phone sex.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
