She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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