please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
