Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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