i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize