I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
