I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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