mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
