So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
