dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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