You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
