I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
