His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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