I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
