And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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