Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
